Hardbeatnews, NEW YORK, N.Y., Fri. June 23, 2006: Trinidad and Tobago immigrant Gail Moore says she was only 9 when a male relative, over 30 years older, snatched her out of the kitchen, dragged her across the living room into his bedroom, and raped her.

IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING TO ME
“He takes out his penis and shoves it in me,’ she recalls. “I’m crying, wondering, ‘oh God, is this happening to me?’ and as he is doing it, he’s telling me not to tell anyone because they won’t believe me and if I tell then he will do it again.” “I was in shock,” she added. “I didn’t believe this was happening to me. He’s not supposed to be doing this.”

HELPING OTHERS HEAL
That was years ago. Today, Moore is a certified counselor trying to help others deal with the same kind of anguish and torment that she experienced as a child growing up in Tobago with her grandmother.But with cases like the sodomy and murder of six-year-old Sean Luke and the rape, torture and murder of four year old Amy Annamanthudo dominating the news in her native land, Moore says she felt compelled to share her story with HBN in the hopes that it can give hope to victims of similar abuse.

THE PEOPLE WE TRUST ARE THE ONES WHO HURT US
“He was like a father figure, someone I liked and trusted,” she reminisced of James, her now dead abuser. “Someone I thought it was safe to be around.” Unfortunately, that’s exactly where the danger lies says social worker, Jamaican-born Jennifer Chalmers. The New York-based Chalmers describes this as one of the biggest misconceptions about sex abuse.

CHILDREN ARE ABUSED IN THEIR OWN HOMES
“When it comes to sex abuse, many people think it’s a stranger out there. They never look at what can happen right inside their home,” she said. Moore knows that first hand. Her abuser was a cousin, someone who lived within close proximity and even within the household at one point. “I didn’t tell anyone because he threatened to do it again,” she revealed. “So I had to tolerate him.”

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS
That situation changed when she migrated to New York at the age of thirteen but it wasn’t until four years later that the trauma of that experience hit her full force. “I was at college and I signed up for a Rape Crisis Hotline and in the training we were told that no means no.” That, she says, triggered her memory because “back home (in the Caribbean) when we say no, people don’t take it seriously.”

THE POLITICS OF TRUTH
What added to her anguish was the fact that her grandmother did not believe her years later when she returned to Trinidad and told her about the abuse. But luckily her mother did. However, even with her mother on her side, the going was still tough.

GROUP SUPPORT A MUST FOR INCEST SURVIVORS
For five years, she participated in a support group that
brought together victims of childhood sexual assault and incest. “I was fortunate to be in a long-term support group. I was also in individual counseling,” she said but acknowledges that she still struggles with her self-esteem today.

FROM SELF-BLAME TO SELF-ACCEPTANCE
“When something happens, I always blame myself, I think of what I should or should not have done and I know it all comes from that experience,” added Moore. But having triumphed over that adversity, Moore now wants to see tougher laws enforced against predators who sexually abuse children.

END THE CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE
“Childhood sexual abuse is not just a shame, it’s a crime and people should be prosecuted as such,” she states, adding that a clear message needs to be sent because child abuse creates a vicious cycle.

PARENTS LISTEN TO YOUR CHILDREN
And she appealed to parents to listen attentively to their children. “Parents need to believe their children and take responsibility,” said Moore. Chalmers describes sexual abuse today as an epidemic. “It’s a big giant snowball getting bigger and bigger and it will eventually explode,” she said, adding that what is even more troubling is the level of unreported crime.

SILENT SUFFERERS AMONG U.S. IMMIGRANTS
She laments that there’s a stigma attached to child abuse and there is a tendency among Caribbean families to keep issues such as domestic violence and child abuse secret. Their reluctance to report these crimes has made child abuse “a silent epidemic” she says. “We have a lot of silent sufferers among right here in the U.S.”

VICTIMS HAVE RIGHTS BUT JUST DON’T KNOW
She adds that the problem is particularly blatant among immigrants who are often not aware of their rights. “The unspoken crime is the one that I am so upset, frustrated and saddened about especially in the case of incest,” said Chalmers. “It is held so quietly that these innocent victims suffer in silence because for one thing, it’s their immigrant status, for another it’s a family member and it also brings disgrace to the family.”

BOYS AT GREAT RISK
But it’s not just young girls who are abused. Another tragedy says Chalmers is the blatant disregard shown for male victims of sexual abuse.“Nobody realizes how much boys are abused. Everyone looks at the girls but for the boys, it’s happening too,” she said attributing this indifference to the macho attitude among Caribbean men. Moore also laments this scenario saying, “Men grow up not talking about it, but they have the same issues as women. They feel guilty.”

This guilt is another factor that worsens the plight of the abused. Chalmers says what is clearly needed is education, adding that while Caribbean mothers teach their children to respect others, they must at the same time; make them aware of inappropriate touching, which is often the first sign of abuse. “It bothers me everyday, saddens me too,” the social worker adds. “Our Caribbean people have come a long way but when you look at child abuse, emotional physical or sexual and domestic violence, we are so far behind.”

TAKE ACTION NOW
For now, Moore along with web designer Daniel Smith and Renee Cummings, are using the Web as their education tool, hoping the site, http://www.csasurvivor.net”… will be a safe and supportive forum to talk and a place to come to for those who feel vulnerable, alone, and as though they have nowhere to turn.” - Hardbeatnews.com